Depressed into Nature

I was completely shocked yesterday (5th February) about an interview with the former footballer Clarke Carlisle. I won’t go into too much detail about the interview as I think it’s largely irrelevant to what I write about here. Basically in the interview he admitted he had attempted suicide and suffered severely from depression. What shocked me however was the reaction from a ‘celebrity’ who accused Carlisle of being selfish and needing to ‘buck up’ and not be so attention seeking. This has prompted me to write again.

Here’s the thing. I suffer from depression. There I said it. I’ll say it again. I suffer from depression. Most people who know me know this fact but it may come to a shock to others. I’m pretty open about it.

I’m at a position where I can write about it clearly thanks to months of therapy and treatment. But what has seriously helped me to tame the Ole’ Black Dog has been to embrace the natural world.

I’ll give you the start of the story (OK the start of the recent story). At the back end of 2009 I had a serious breakdown caused by an incident at work, I saw my doctor about this and he got me to see a therapist. In the following few weeks the therapist suggested things I could do to turn my life around, things like restarting a hobby or interest which you previously enjoyed. Which led me to rediscovering bird watching (I was a keen birdwatcher between the ages of 6ish and 10ish). So I found myself at the RSPB’s Marshside and Hesketh Out Marsh reserves near Southport. Luckily it was late September so the air was full of Pink-footed Geese, thousands of them! It was such a fantastic and awe-inspiring spectacle that I was immediately hooked and wanted to explore more. I rejoined the RSPB, visited more reserves, and eventually asked about volunteering.

I made an incredibly bold move in January 2010 when I spent two weeks residential volunteering at the RSPB’s Lake Vyrnwy reserve in Mid-Wales. I took two weeks unpaid leave from work to do something I never dreamt I’d ever do, working outdoors in a picturesque nature reserve – a bit different from bar work! Looking back the experience wasn’t that great in all honesty, the coldest winter in my own living memory meant there wasn’t a lot that could be done work-wise, and my depression was still quite prominent so it reared it’s ugly head at times too. However I had a wonderful conversation with one of the long term residential volunteers who told me I should think about wildlife conservation as a career as it would help my depression (and give me confidence) by being outdoors a lot of the time. So thanks Cleo wherever you are!

I filled in a feedback form after Vyrnwy which included the question (paraphrased) ‘Would you be interested in volunteering for a RSPB reserve in your local area?’ Which I replied yes. At the time there was no local reserve to me but lo and behold I received a letter in the post in April of 2010 asking if I wanted to volunteer at the newly opened Dove Stone reserve 24 miles away from my house. I said yes and the rest is history to quote a cliché.

So all this resulted from a moment of low low depression. I made the first step to dig myself out of a hole which resulted in me eventually securing a career in wildlife conservation. I’ve not attention seeked, I’ve not ‘bucked up’ and I’ve certainly not been selfish. One of the lowest moments of my life has led me to the highest; something I know others, such as Clarke Carlisle, can aspire too. Admitting you have depression and then seeking help can quite literally turn your life round for the positive. I still get low (and occasionally really low) moments but I now have the tools to come out the other side.

Anywho, that was a rather serious and confessional rambling blog post. I’ll try be a bit more light-hearted next time, or at least less personal!